Still Here.....

Yep....still here.  I have been trying really hard to figure out how to go about this post.  Times have been tough, for sure.  #1 is not all it's cracked up to be.....actually, numbers don't really mean much....and the number system....well, there is no system...really.  So many times we've thought that we were a certain number and then something happens to knock us right off the spot we thought we were on.  Things like, families that were on hold for one reason or another, coming off hold and popping in line ahead of us.  Then there is that elusive "mystery" family that no one knows about that seems to just appear out of no where....and guess what??  Yep, you guessed it, they end up in front of you too.  We have seen families that already had their referral, sometimes for months, be asked to give up that referral (due to paperwork issues not being able to be resolved) and receive a new one. These families, of course, get placed in front of you too. (This is so heartbreaking for the families that have to go through this and I am not begrudging them for needing a new referral)

For the most part we have taken the ups and downs of this "roller coaster like" process in stride.  Yes, there have been times where we have felt frustrated or impatient but for the most part it's been easy enough to move forward, keep busy and look to the future.  But last week I think I hit rock bottom.  I'm better now, but this time things threw me for a loop!  Just in the last two weeks so much has happened, so many changes within our process that it got a bit overwhelming for me.  Remember that certain something that I couldn't say anything about?  Well, it was about the possibility of us being blessed with twins, but we found out that this was no longer a possibility.  When you take that news and add it to all of the things from the paragraph above and THEN the reality hit as to how close we actually are to the top of the list!  We are so close to the top, that as of last week, there have been two families that have gotten referrals with DTE's that were after us....one was a month after us.  Yes, they had requested ages and situations different than ours but it was still hard to know that we were skipped over.  My brain knew and accepted the facts, but it took a little more time to get my heart back to where it should be.  I was happy for the two families but I was so frustrated with the whole process.  When we started this journey it was taking 6 months to receive a referral.....it's now been over 16 months on the list.  We were hoping that we would have our little one home by last Christmas and now it looks like there is a chance that she might not even be home by this coming Christmas!  Don't get me wrong, I am not wishing for a child to become an orphan just so we can have a child, I have always had the attitude that "I am willing to take a child, when a child needs a Mom".....it's just that this process has been so long and the wait so uncertain.  It would be so much easier if we could be told a time frame, see ourselves move up on a list and have the process be over just as it was stated it would be.   But it's just not that way.....only in a perfect world....  So we continue to wait, sometimes with a little more grace and patience than other times.  We have faith that God is in control and He knows our child and He will bring us to her within His timing.

I have such a great husband, he realized how distraught I was becoming with this process so he orchestrated a weekend of fun to help keep my mind off things for a while.  On Saturday we went bowling and got a tasty ice cream treat and then on Sunday afternoon we headed north, rented canoes and spent the day on the river!  Fun stuff.....great weekend.....I am now refreshed and ready to endure yet another week of waiting.

Saturday at the bowling alley....

Nathaniel, Todd and Hannah watching Jake and Hana take their turns.  Chloe studying the balls, choosing her new favorite one...pausing to watch Jake and Hana too.

Jake and Hana

Hannah bowling backwards

Chloe choosing her ball

Nathaniel and Chloe

Chloe trying out different bowling techniques

Yummy ice cream

Sunday 

Hana....just got splashed by Hannah.....she actually looks happy about it, doesn't she?

Jake.  King of the rock.

Me, Haylie and Chloe.  Haylie looks a bit grossed out with what Chloe is doing.

I was laying down in the canoe, resting my head on the back of it and pretending to be Anne of Green Gables, and my sunglasses fell off my head and into the water!  Hannah jumped out of the canoe and went back up stream and found them for me.  =)  Thank goodness that the water was only about 1-4 feet deep, for most of the trip!

A baby snapper Haylie found.

Someone's property.  They carved "Rest, Dream, Pray" on a bench near the river's edge. So peaceful...

Thanks Honey, you're the best!  <3

Have a great day!
Wendy